Welcome...

So I have been blogging on MySpace for quite some time. I decided to join the world of blog spot. I have often thought that I would like to share my experiences and lessons learned as a child of divorce, a step mom, and a divorced woman that sends her children off to the ex every other weekend. I have learned so much and grown as a woman, and I feel I have finally come CLOSE to having some sort of a handle on doing the right thing and being able to put the children first. I want to tell you the back story and then I will begin posting blogs routinely about certain events, and instances, and what I learned from them. I will also post about how parents can learn to let go of the anger and put their children first.

When my ex and I split, I was angry, bitter and wanted to keep the control I had for so many years during our marriage. Not just of the children but of HIM as well. I would ask my daughters what they did on their weekends, and if ANYTHING seemed to not fit my idea of perfect, he got an earful. Countless girlfriends came and went, and my children met them all. I ranted and raved, and he quit attending the children's activities and rarely answered my calls.

Fast forward a year....I met the man of my dreams, my amazing soul mate that treated me so good, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had a great son...who was 5 months younger than my youngest daughter and they got along great. His baggage? An ex that was even more controlling than I was on my worst day. She called non stop, questioned every tiny red mark on the boy when he went home, and generally made our lives hell...I began to see things from a Dad's point of view and decided I should try to repair my relationship with my ex as co parents for the sake of our daughters.

I remember clear as a bell the day the reality came crashing down on me the amount of damage parents can truly inflict on their children by being bitter, and how it affects them well into adulthood.

We were working on our programs for our wedding. When it came time to list the parents, my husband started getting nervous. He said he knew if he put his mom and step dad first, his dad and step mom would be offended and vice versa. I was floored. Then it came to seating the parents, his parents could not share a row, but who do they put in the front row, and who gets the second row? One set of parents would get their feelings hurt. Now on the other hand, my Mom and Dad divorced over 20 years ago, I am very close to my Dad and my step dad. They never put us in the middle and I never worried about ALL of my parents being in the same room. Watching the obvious pain and torment on my husband's face, broke my heart. I realized that could very well be OUR children if we didn't shape up. So, it has been an ongoing crusade for Father's Rights, Avoiding Parental Alienation Syndrome and just plain, put the children first and do what is in their best interest, not the parent's.

I hope I can get other's input of their situations. I have a sister that is a License Social Worker, if you have any questions, or need advice. If you just need to vent, or being given another side to consider. My goal is to help the children of split and blended families feel secure, loved and to never be used as pawns.

Thanks for reading....I look forward to hearing your thoughts, comments and questions...

Stacy
js8605