All my life I have known that my genealogy isn't exactly a shining portrait of a what a family tree could be. There are a few worms and bad apples, a branch that doesn't exactly extend the direction it should, one that is broken or another that is a tad weak. One thing I have always been sure of is that in my family even the ones that might insult their sister, cousin or mother would be the first to throw down if anyone else spoke ill of the same people. There is a sense of being there for each other, even if it seems a tad skewed vision to most.
Take my sister and I, we could have a battle of the words to make some think WW3 is around the corner, we know we are STILL family. I could call her five minutes later and all I would have to say is, "I need you" and she would be there. There is no doubt, no question and most of all no guilt.
When I see families that act as if their family members do not exist, or they do not care. I am deeply troubled by their lack of empathy, concern and general care for another human being, let alone their blood relation. Most disturbing has be bearing witness to some holding their offspring hostage as a way to further drive the point home, you are beneath me, beneath my children and you will not be allowed to have a bond with them or even know the smallest detail of their lives.
Why is a disagreement cause for uncompromising guilt, blame, justification of behavior or total relinquishment of family ties? Sure, the dictionary result for "family" is, "parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not". However, My heart has a different definition of family. I know I can not convince others to just shrug off years of dysfunction they were brought up around and ignore everything they taught themselves for self preservation, but I wish they could learn to let go, open up and see that they do have "time" for family. Yes, family may have some drama, but when you learn to love each other for who you really are, realize no one will be exactly what you WANT them to be, but they can be exactly what you NEED them to be, you will see what you can be missing out on and what will fill your heart with joy, create memories that will last a lifetime, and show your children how to break the cycle.
You can not break the cycle of dysfunction by simply ceasing contact with family, This really only perpetuates the cycle in a different degree. It is easy to find fault in other, to blame someone else for why things are the way they are. It is rather difficult to look in the mirror and take responsibility for our part in things we don't see in a postive light. That is the true step of healing.
Acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, pride, comfort, generousity, joy, trust, loyalty, happiness, togetherness, patience, caring, fun, laughter, interest, discovery, and of course LOVE. This should be the definition for family.
I am saddened by how many FaceBook and MySpace statuses seem to mention family drama at a time when we should all be making family our focus. Never forget that where you came from helped shape who you are today.
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