Do Unto Others..

I was trying to think of the best topic to discuss today. I asked my husband where I should start. I decided to start with the Golden Rule, Do Unto Others. This is the hardest lesson to learn when you are no longer with the person you have children with.

I remember calling my sister and bitching up a storm because my girls came home one Sunday, they hadn't changed their clothes since FRIDAY, hadn't brushed their hair or teeth and hadn't had a bath. I was livid, and of course I told off the ex in a voicemail since he wouldn't pick up the phone. She said to me, "So what?", and I thought she had surely flipped her lid.

"So what? Its disgusting, that's what". She said, "Its not going to kill them", I was still in shock. I mean, come on, this is my sissy, she is supposed to agree with everything and hate the same assholes I hate and she is saying, "Let it go??" HUH?

"Did they have fun?" She asked. "Yes", was my reply. "Did he abuse them?". Sigh..."Of course not". "Yes, its gross, but you are talking FOUR days a month, you have the other 20-some days, its not going to kill them". Hmm...OK, maybe she has a point..

I met my ex when I was 17 years old, so I have known him for 17 years. (ugh, I am old) When we were married, I never thought twice about leaving the girls with him while I went to work, or out shopping, or on a girls night. He was perfectly able to care for their needs and he loves them just as much as I do. I knew he wouldn't let anything bad happen to them. Again, it was all about control.

Watching my husband struggle to find that respect with his son's mother, made me push even harder to try and be a better person, better mother and better friend to my ex. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have my girls, and I did love him at one point. He isn't a monster, he is their dad.

**Disclaimer**I plan to write another blog soon about how to deal with an ex that has mental health issues, drinking or drug addiction, or is abusive, or just a plain old dead beat that doesn't ever come around. I am not advocating here that you should just love 'em no matter what.

I am simply saying, if your ex was a good, or even just an OK dad when you were together, don't cut him out just because you aren't with him anymore. Even if you really want to, you can not pretend they don't exist and start a new family with someone else and leave them behind if they want to be involved.

You have to remember to always love your children more than you hate your ex. The best thing you can do for your children is care for and respect their other parent.

I heard my daughter talking to a friend of hers awhile ago. The friend was sad that her parent's were divorced and fighting, my daughter said, "My Mom and Dad got a divorce so they could be friends". Wow, there was so much wisdom in that little sentence. I was very proud of myself for getting over "myself" and putting the children first. I have seen a huge difference in them, and really, who else besides you will totally appreciate all their achievements the same as you? The other parent.

Are there any topics you would like to see me touch on? I am still getting the feel for this, and how I am trying to get my story out there. So, please feel free to give me feedback, I would appreciate it.